When we had 5ohBaby, it was seriously the most beautiful labor & delivery experience. In my mind, it was literally perfect. Throughout my pregnancy with 5ohLittle I have been hoping and praying for an equally as awesome experience. A few months ago I opened up a really special piece of my heart and got super intimate about how I knew that all God has for us is Grace upon Grace. I think the nudging I felt on my heart to share that story was just as much for me as it was for y'all. God was reminding me "Ashley, you are not ever going to be punished. Jesus is enough." right before I got some pretty hard news about my future L&D's.
During a routine appointment my doctor brought up 5ohBaby's birth. He told me he was looking back through his notes and that we needed to talk about some options because of 5ohBaby's shoulder dystocia. I vaguely remember them mentioning she had shoulder dystocia when she was born- and I knew that meant her shoulder had been stuck which is why the nurse had to press on my pelvic bone- but she had been totally fine when they handed her to us and in the haze of early motherhood I just didn't think twice about it. I didn't realize shoulder dystocia was such a big deal.
Well, I was wrong. Way wrong. Apparently its a super duper dangerous situation (I think it's the most dangerous thing that can happen during a standard birth). Apparently, once the head is delivered there is only a 4 minute window to completely deliver the baby before there is brain damage. Apparently, there is a 20% chance of either injury (a broken clavicle, a broken arm, Brachial Plexus Injury, Erb's palsy) or death to the baby and a risk of injury to the mother. Apparently, 7lbs 12 oz is pretty small to get stuck. Apparently, there are 4 maneuvers to get the baby out once its stuck and we had to go to maneuver #2. Apparently, if we had done maneuver #3 my doctor would be super sure we should have a c-section. Apparently, this happening categorizes my perfect birth as a traumatic birth.
Apparently, its now our decision if we want to try the regular way or schedule a c-section for 5ohLittle's birth. This is a big decision that affects every subsequent birth. The option for VBAC is non-existent because the problem is my hip bones being too small, not anything to do with the baby which, I gotta say, kinda makes me feel like a failure as a woman. This will obviously limit the amount of children we will have
But what if it's not.
Even if the risk was only 1% that something would happen- that risk is too high when it comes to our daughter. I know that in my brain and in my heart. But this is something I have been having to remind myself over and over and over. I think if the doctor just told me "You have to have a c-section" it would feel easier... because it wouldn't be our decision. And you guys, this has been a hard one. I have cried and cried about it. 5ohHubby and I have talked about it over and over. We have prayed and prayed about it. We have sought wisdom. And we have made a decision.
5ohLittle will be born via c-section on April 23, 2013.
And, to tell you the truth, there are some benefits for our family. We can schedule when 5ohHubby will need to leave work ahead of time which will be easier on his job. We can stagger our families trip's out here and ensure there is someone here to watch and love on 5ohBig while we are at the hospital, as well as people to help us with the transition at home. We can make sure that our doctor (who we seriously adore) is the one performing the surgery. And we already know the day we will meet our daughter (as long as she doesn't come early) which is so crazy special.
So, there it is. I know I'm going to have a million and one questions about what to bring to the hospital, what to do for the recovery, and how to prepare ourselves later. But this is where we are today. Scared, kinda feeling like a failure, sure and unsure of the decision we've already made. But totally confident that this is all in God's hands anyways. So, maybe pray for peace for us? But don't feel too badly... because as nervous as we are about the surgery itself, our whole family is SO thrilled to meet our teeny tiniest little addition!